March break officially kicks off here in Canada. At Path Positive, we thought it would be an excellent time to discuss some Parenting Tips.
Parenting is a full-time job that we try to fit in between our other full-time jobs: work, running a household, maintaining our marriage or partner relationships, friendships, and extended families.
It is OK to be not OK with the stress and joy a family can bring.
It is OK to be tired, frustrated, and angry, BUT as adults, we work towards controlling our responses. You cannot correct bad behavior with bad behavior – we miss the message for the delivery method. Think of a time when someone raised their voice or hurt your feelings – we can often forget the wording but usually remember how we feel.
You will get frustrated, be tired, and parent in a way that you are not proud of yourself. In those moments
STOP talking, yelling, glaring, or planning your escape
Ensure the child is safe, and then Walk away.
Gather yourself – DO NOT deep dive into why it is OK for you to “misbehave.”
Focus instead on breathing and remembering intent (what they mean) versus impact (how I feel) are two different things.
Remember, parenting requires an adult to be present.
Focus on your message – what is it that I need to be done? How can I Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS) - not my words but the saying.
When you reengage – stay on target, redirect, keep your voice low, and use fewer words; if they are heated comfort, then correct (either a time-in a hug or time-out a cool-down period).
Redirection and parenting are jobs only you can do, and you must do it – be kind, clear, and concise – children need direction.
Later that night, take the time to debrief with your children. Own your actions and devise a way to do things differently next time. This conflict is a good opportunity to teach emotional ownership.
Emotional ownership (this will be a topic for a different day); however, the message here is about understanding that you are allowed to feel your feelings but must regulate your response. After reflection, you can develop insight into your triggers and then adapt your future responses. In the next blog, we will look at how to process your feelings, recognize triggers, and develop insight into moving forward. I realize that time may play a part in decision-making, feeling like you do not have the time to collect yourself before reengaging. However, 5 minutes late is worth the time to start your day and your child’s day off on a better footing. We pick our hard, decide to take the time and be late, or choose not to take the time and likely still be late with everyone upset—your choice, not easy but possible.
Want to discuss with our team? Reach out to Path Positive to Learn More.
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